Saturday 30 July 2016

Renovation project - Disaster strikes

Renovation project - Disaster strikes
We are having a great trip visiting family and I have visits planned with friends and my big birthday treat, tea at the Hilton, I am really excited about this and have new clothes and everything, but then the unthinkable happens, my mum is taken ill following a simple hospital procedure yesterday, this means a trip to the hospital, but I have had a glass of wine, luckily my daughter can meet my parents at the hospital, hopefully they won’t be too long.
We keep in touch by phone until my daughter tells me my mum is being transferred to another hospital much further away, I wait a few hours and drive to be with my dad, still hopeful that it will be sorted quickly.
It isn’t and a few days later she is transferred again to a specialist hospital in Liverpool.
I arrive to meet her there, this is not a nice drive, I am going into a city I don’t know and driving on the wrong side of the road!
I wait all day until I know the operation was successful. She will still need to be kept in for quite a while. This is the thing that we have been most scared of moving too France, what happens if serious illness strikes, both sets of parents are not getting any younger.
I am just so glad that we were actually in the UK, but those nagging doubts start to creep in, we only have one set of parents and we are leaving them behind when they may need us the most.
We stay in the UK until I know that she is as recovered as possible, but it is now difficult to leave, we have been here much longer than we had ever planned, but I am still in two minds about going, what if something goes wrong, what if she needs me? I have been acting as go between with all the different departments will this now fall to my daughter, should I put her in that situation? So many questions and no answers, I am leaving my brother and sister and my daughter to do what should traditionally be my job.
Am I selfish? 
Is this how life should be? 
Will we be able to carry on enjoying our new life if we are living with guilt?
The real answer is nobody knows what will happen in the future, but you can’t live a life based on what if’s, if you do nobody would do anything, we are going back to France, we know we can get to the UK quickly if needed and we know that my parents will need a nice holiday as soon as they are up to it.

So if the idea of aging parents has put you off making this move, this is something you will have to live with, but if you stay in the same country it does not necessarily mean you will be available, we can go back at any time without the worry of work, so maybe I am in a better position than I thought.

7 comments:

  1. Oh no Jenny, your poor Mum and poor you and John, we do hope everything is good now.

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    1. thanks, she is much better now, was just so pleased to be there :)

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  2. I hope your mum recover quickly and your mum and dad can come to you to recuperate. Just curious, why do you feel you are the one that should be doing everything? Is it because you are the oldest? My oldest brother felt the same way when my mum and dad were needing help. We are 5 siblings and 4 of us lived in the same city as my parents so we all felt that this was a shared responsibility and the one that lives in another province wasn't expected to do anything because of her location. I think this idea of the oldest having to shoulder all the responsibility is old fashioned and outdated but old habits die hard! Remember, it takes a village, and all that stuff. Please don't take offense at anything I've said, I know it's VERY difficult.

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    1. thank you Janice, It is just me that feels that way, as they have helped me so much over the years, just the dilemma of not being there, but they are looking forward to visiting and would be so upset at me changing my life. They are really behind everything we do

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  3. Hello Jenny I read your blog but have never commented. Firstly I was sorry to read your Mother has been taken ill and I wish her a speedy recovery. With regards to your move to France I'm assuming you've both discussed it over with all your parents? I know both mine would have encouraged me to do what ever I wanted and I'm an only child with no children. My sister-law on the other hand some 20 years ago suddenly announced she and her partner were moving to Southern Ireland without discussing it with anyone not her parents,three children, plus two stepchildren, let alone her brother (my hubby).I called this selfish at the time because my Father in Law was very upset about it all but never said because that was him... a stiff upper lip. I know she.. my SIL... has regretted this many times since but I think she was being driven by her third husband who couldn't have cared two hoots for her family or his. He died in Ireland some 10 years later and as soon as she could sort finances she came back to the UK. Says it all really. Do not beat yourself up over your choices, life is for living and time goes by so quickly. I'm sure your parents would agree. Rae x

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    1. Hi Rae, thank you for commenting. We did discuss with everybody and they family are all behind what we do, it is just at moments like this that you do question, but luckily she is much better now. It was one of those things, I wrote about it as people may not consider this aspect and what they would do. But the most important thing is to talk x

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    2. Hello Jenny I'm so pleased to hear that your dear Mum is much better. You are right of course talk and discuss your plans and everything will fall into place. Many people get these ideas (sometimes on a whim) and never consider how it could or may affect close members of the family, I saw that myself first hand. Even being a few hundred miles away in the UK would have the same effect to a certain degree. I do hope your parents can enjoy the pleasures of France with you very soon Rae x

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